What am I? Am I transgender? Should I have sex reassignment surgery?
Since I write mostly about makeup, clothes, and hair, it surprises me that I get these questions. But I get them a lot. Most recently, the parents of a young boy who uses my website as a resource for feminizing himself wrote to me, asking if I thought their son was transgender and what they should do about him.
Unfortunately, I don't have any answers for you. But guess what, I don't think anyone else has any answers for you. I encourage you to be wary of so-called experts, most of whom seem to me to be full of shit. Not only can't science explain why we are the way we are, but it also can't tell us what we are. Many people have been miserable as one gender, had surgeries and are now much happier. I've had friends who have transitioned, and they are obviously much happier now. That says a lot because they have had to deal with a lot of crap from society that they don't deserve.
In my case, signs of gender fluidity showed up at a very early age, but when I was a child, no one I knew had ever heard of a transgendered person. I am certain that, if I were that same young boy today, I would consider myself transgender and be planning for future surgery. I'm sure I would also find quite a few experts to support me. Since this didn't happen, I get to hear from people who tell me I would have had a much happier life living as a woman. But the reality is that I have had a delightful life as a man, and I have absolutely no regrets on this score. But, had I gone the transgendered route, I am sure I would have had an equally delightful life living as a woman and probably would have considered myself a living testament to gender surgery. People love binary categories, but they aren't always the best route to either happiness or the truth
It is true that there are people who have transitioned and regretted it. If you are considering gender surgery, your decision just got harder. There are resources out there for you, but unfortunately, one of the most interesting and intelligent writers, "Third Way Trans" just shut down his website. (There's a lot of that going around.) But there are other places to look. Sandra Lopes writes at length (and I mean: at length) about gender issues. She has a higher opinion of "experts" than I do and much more knowledge of all the theories on gender and sexuality. You can find other links from following her work:
I don't have anything against theory, but I'm more of a learn by doing sort of person. Do whatever works best for you.
My best advice is just to go with the flow, do what you enjoy and be happy. Don't worry too much about putting a label on yourself or stressing about how you ended up being who you are. Just enjoy it.
What is your sexuality? Do you like men? Do you like women?
I know this will disappoint some of you, but I have no interest in men. I will say that one of the most surprising discoveries I have made as Pammy is that even though I have no interest in men, I get really turned on when they develop a sexual interest in me. The more obsessed they become, the more turned on I get. But I still don't want to have sex with them. It gets more complicated because even though I find the male anatomy repulsive, I have always loved a beautiful woman with a strap-on. It's just so sexy. And I think Dom de Luxury looks absolutely gorgeous in hers.
I think you are hot, do you do CAM sessions?
I haven't done any CAM sessions. It is up to my owner, Dom de Luxury. If she tells me to have one with you, of course, I will do it. But I have no idea what to do in one, so you probably won't have much fun.
I think you are hot and want to look like you. Can you give me a makeup lesson on SKYPE?
I don't have a lot of free time, and teaching makeup takes a lot of time. To be honest, if I have the time to spend a few hours on SKYPE, I would rather spend it with SheDaddy than with you. However, if SheDaddy tells me to teach you make-up, then, of course, I will do it.
How did you get to be Pammy?
Gender fluid signs showed up very early in my life. I think I was probably eight or nine when I started experimenting with my sister's and mother's make-up (of course, they weren't around when I did it). I would also try on my sister's clothes, swimsuits, etc. I grew up in a sexually conservative environment, so if these activities of mine had been discovered, I would have been in some serious trouble. But unlike many people, I didn't feel any shame or disgust with myself for doing this. I just enjoyed it, keeping it a secret because I knew it wouldn't be accepted (to put it mildly).
Like any other wildly horny adolescent, I was insanely curious about sex but had no idea about it. I grew up in the free-wheeling shadow of the hippies (late 70's and 80's), a very different time than the currently sexually repressive environment. Back then people were into sensuality and discovering how amazing it was to be human, unlike today, when people are too worried about being correct to have any fun. A very influential book called "The Joy of Sex" was published, a huge bestseller. There was a chapter on BDSM in it, and I couldn't read that enough. I had discovered S&M. My first adolescent affair (with an older woman) had a huge S&M component and I was hooked for life.
Long-story short, I have had amazing long-term and short-term relationships with some amazing women. Many had an S&M component. Certainly, the deepest and most meaningful ones did. My taste for the feminine was exploited by some of the women in these relationships, which for them was another tool to explore humiliation, which we found exciting in all its forms. After a particularly long and meaningful relationship came to a harsh and bitter end, I decided to try online sex, which is where I met Dom de Luxury. For me, the chemistry was instantaneous and has only grown stronger over the years we have known each other. I am now totally devoted to her, and our relationship goes far beyond the sexual to something profound and meaningful to me. But I digress.
It took a few years, but I eventually told SheDaddy about my feminine leanings. She has a passion for such things and is an expert in curing male masculinity. We started by following a path she has followed many times before, but I believe when we discovered my inner woman we started exploring new territory. The lessons she gave me about how to wear makeup and choose clothing, how to act and carry myself as a woman, all of this triggered something deep within me and have given me many new experiences, emotions, and thoughts. She has been my mentor and my guide, knowing exactly what to say and do to help me discover more of my inner-self and more things about myself than I ever knew was possible. I am endlessly and eternally grateful to her. While I would say there was an element of humiliation in the early lessons, she has spent most of her time helping me to be proud of being a woman and accepting having a 'woman part' as a strength, not a weakness. Humiliation remains an interest of mine, but it is not one that could ever now be explored by having me transform into a girl. Quite the opposite.
Dom de Luxury has modified your gender. Has she done the same for your sexuality as she does with Amy?
Along with most of you, I have watched Amy's progress over the past few years from a very masculine hetero male to a gay sissy street whore. The change is truly incredible. I can't imagine anyone else but Dom de Luxury who could even come close to this kind of behavior modification. I'm amazed and in awe.
In my case, she has not done anything like this, at least not yet. Back in the early stages of my education she did give me some exercises that were very elementary versions of what Amy has done, but then she seemed to head off in a different direction. I'm not sure she has decided what she wants to do with me. That's fine. I'm just a passenger in her spaceship, along for (and enjoying) the ride.
Have you always been an effeminate male? Do you have to be effeminate to be good at transforming?
I don't think of myself as masculine or feminine. I like lots of boy stuff like mountain climbing and building things. I like lots of girl stuff like pretty dresses, makeup, and sewing. If you met me in my male persona, you would probably consider me a pretty typical male. Neither super masculine/macho or effeminate. I'm ok with who I am, but I have to work really hard at transformations. If you already have feminine characteristics, you are going to have an easier time of it, obviously. I am considering more radical surgery along these lines, but haven't come to a decision yet. I'm in no hurry.
I'd like to try training with her, but I'm nervous.
I get this sort of question a lot. Nervousness is understandable but she's an amazing person. The greatest thing about her is her realness. She's not some cookie-cutter DOM that does the same shtick with everyone, she's a real person with a passionate love for what she does. The absolute worst thing that could happen to you is that you will have a lovely conversation with a beautiful and fascinating woman. How scary is that? If you've never explored your kinky side before, then do it. Life is short. If you find it out it's not for you, no one will judge you for it. Vanilla is a nice flavor and there's no shame in it.
Your relationship with Dom de Luxury seems very intimate. Care to share some details?
Nope. I am head over heels in love with her. Those are all the details you get.
So there you are. I believe these are most of the FAQ's I get. If your question isn't answered here, and you're not a whiny little bitch with an axe to grind, feel free to message me on Twitter